Folks are angered by the latest collaboration between Chris Brown and Rihanna. However, let’s be sure we aren’t focusing our energy on victim-blaming or faulting Rihanna for “going back”. First of all- a song collaboration isn’t exactly taking part in a dating relationship, and secondly we need to fully understand the dynamics of abusive relationships within a cycle of abuse.
There are lots of reasons why someone who has been abused would return to or seem to forgive an abusive partner (even though that not exactly what Rihanna had done).
Here are some reasons why a victim or survivor of abuse might return to an abusive relationship.
- they are scared of future consequences if they don’t return
- they have been told constantly by abuser that it was only a one-time mistake
- family, friends, (and fans) constantly tell them that abuser is a good person and wouldn’t have committed such acts OR they have learned from mistakes
- they are guilted into retuning to the relationship
- abuser creates a great deal of dependence on them and convinces them to come back to “be there for them”
- abuser had isolated them so much that they have no other support systems
- they are genuinely in love
- they are convinced that if they return, they can change abuser